Supermoon and Space Station by Space Fellowship

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Tech Support – Upgrading from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke.

Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!
 
The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which  operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: 

NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. 

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.  What can I do? 
Signed, Desperate
 

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):
Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. 

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.

Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. 

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs  a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. 
 
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. 

We recommend Cooking 3.0.
 
Good Luck!

The Internet belongs to YouTube and Netflix  from ZDNet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And a Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham , her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and a delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

So, Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were also saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was now known as  Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.  They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that very enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every best drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham , what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.  He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO", said Abraham and because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth!

Heard on Radio Times! The Mohawk word for computer is “lightning brain box” which is more descriptive and more fun to say than plain old “computer.”

WHYY’s Radio Times with Marty Moss-Coane is a call-in program that tackles wide-ranging issues of concern to listeners in the Delaware Valley, the nation and beyond.